Communication

Effective communication is an important part of employing a personal assistant. When you hire a PA, you will need to explain the duties of the job and your needs and wants. You will give praise as well as constructive criticism so that the job will be performed correctly. You may need to fire an employee who is not providing good services. These are a few examples that show the need for good communication skills.

This page covers basic communication skills. It also covers three different behavior patterns you can review in order to learn to be a better communicator:

• passive,
• aggressive, and
• assertive.

A person's behavior will not necessarily fall into only one category. Most people interact using a combination of these patterns. By studying these behaviors and identifying your own habits, you can make changes that improve your communication skills.

Finally, here are some examples of communication situations that show you how to respond effectively.

Basic Communication Skills

Here are some things you can do to improve your skills in communication.

Keep the focus on the job

It can be harder to keep the focus on the job when working in someone's home than in an office or shop. Here are a few tips.

• When your personal assistant (PA) arrives, go over the plan for the day with her. If adding a task possibly means not getting to something else planned, say so: "That means you won't get to the vacuuming till tomorrow."
• Don't distract your PA by social contact. Remind yourself and the PA, when necessary, that the main reason she is there is to get a job done. But always be considerate: "Patty, let's have a cup of coffee together when you take your break. I got those cookies you like."
• Shift overly personal conversation back to the task at hand: "You are right. If my son doesn't call tomorrow, then I can call him. I better get back to my reading so you can finish the bedroom."

Listen closely

By listening carefully and asking the right questions, you show respect for the each other and you improve communication.

But listening isn't always easy. Sometimes we think we already know what the other person is going to say. Other times we want to jump in and "correct" him. Here are a few tips.

• Wait until the other person is done speaking before you talk.
• Rephrase what you heard to be sure that you understood what was meant: "So what you're saying is..."
• Listen carefully without jumping to judgment. Accept the other person's feelings as his own without trying to change them.
• Try to see the issue from her perspective. Put yourself in her place for a moment and imagine what the situation may feel like.
• Show you are listening carefully by making eye contact.

Asking questions

Asking the right question at the right time can make a big difference.

• Ask questions to be sure how the PA knows how you want the job done. Don't assume the PA knows. Even experienced PAs may have different ways of doing routine things. Ask, "Do you understand what I mean when I say parboil the potatoes, let me explain?
• Ask questions to deal with small issues before they become big problems: "I have an appointment tomorrow. I'll need to be about 30 minutes late in getting home. Is that OK? Can you come later?"
• Ask questions in a way that doesn't make the other person feel bad or uninformed. For example, say, "Which way do you fix eggs best, omelets or scrambled?" not "You don't know how to scrambled eggs very well, do you?"

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Passive Behavior

A person who exhibits passive behavior does not communicate effectively. He or she has difficulty expressing thoughts, feelings, and ideas. He or she tends to let others make decisions for him or her and feels taken advantage of. Passive people may have low self-esteem.

Passive behavior includes:

• Poor or no eye contact.
• Anxiety and nervousness.
• Sending double messages (says okay when they mean no) - "That's okay if you go out to dinner without me. I'll just stay home and eat by myself."
• Apologizing often.
• Not letting others know how he or she is feeling.
• Remaining silent when he or she should speak up.

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Aggressive Behavior

A person who exhibits aggressive behavior also does not communicate effectively. This person does not treat others with respect. Instead he or she tries to dominate other people. When expressing negative thoughts and feelings, he or she tends to attack the person rather than trying to correct the behavior. Aggressive people may have low self-esteem. To feel better about themselves, they often cut others down.

Aggressive behavior includes:

• Glares or looks that are a putdown.
• Hostile - "You are really stupid. Get out of here."
• Uses "you" statements rather than "I" statements - "You never do it right."
• Makes decisions for others.
• Does not take responsibility for his or her behavior and blames others - "You made me angry, so I tore up the letter."
• Uses a loud tone of voice or yells.

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Commmunication: Assertive Behavior

An assertive person expresses thoughts, feelings, and ideas honestly and in a clear way. He or she feels good about his- or herself and takes responsibility for meeting his or her own needs. Both negative and positive feelings and thoughts are expressed. When criticism is given, it is not expressed in a way that puts down another person. An assertive person treats others with respect.

Assertive behavior includes:

• Good eye contact.
• Calmness - "Okay, we have a problem. Let's think about how to solve it."
• Facial expressions are consistent with what is spoken.
• Respect and empathy - "It must be difficult for you to deal with that situation."
• "I" statements are used when expressing feelings - "I feel that I am not being treated with respect."
• Choices when problem solving - "We can either do the shopping now or when we go out to eat."
• Strong, firm voice.

Communication section adapted from: Personal Assistants: How to Find, Hire, and Manage a P.A. (pp. 34-36). Copyright 1999, 2001 Marianjoy, Wheaton, IL. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission. No further reproduction is allowed.

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Examples of Commmunication Situations

It is easy to see that assertive communication is the best way to handle a problem. Being assertive takes practice. There is a good feeling from being able to express yourself clearly. In an employment situation both the PA and the employer benefit when assertive communication is used. Disagreements will still occur, but it will be easier to handle them when communication is open and people are treated with respect. Here are some examples of situations that may occur when employing a PA, followed by some suggested assertive responses to the employment situations given.

Examples of communication situations adapted from: Personal Assistance Service Guide: A guide for hiring, management and conflict resolution. ©1998, Utah Assisted Technology Program, Utah State University. Reprinted with permission.

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