Preventing Abuse

Good personal assistants will greatly increase your independence. However, you may sometimes find that a worker is dishonest or even dangerous to you. You can take steps to protect yourself from these kinds of abuse.

Things you should know:

How you can recognize various forms of abuse.
How you can prevent abuse before it happens.
How you can stop abuse if you are in an abusive situation.

There is also an abuse checklist to help you recognize and identify different kinds of abuse.

Recognizing Abuse

Abuse can take many forms. Your worker may intentionally hurt you or steal from you. But there are other, more subtle types of abuse that you should learn to recognize. Both obvious and subtle types of abuse can take the forms of:

If you feel uncomfortable about your worker, ask yourself whether or not this person is abusing you. Start by asking yourself this series of questions.

Question & Answer

Q. What if my worker makes me feel bad, but I'm not sure it's abuse?

A. A worker may act in ways that do not physically endanger the employer, but do cause discomfort to the employer. These unacceptable behaviors might include:

Criticizing, teasing or verbally abusing you in a way that hurts your feelings.
Giving you the "silent treatment" when he is angry about something.
Telling you that you are "just too much trouble."
Talking about sex in a way that makes you feel uncomfortable.

The employer should not have to accept any of these behaviors. These behaviors might happen just once or twice when the worker is in a bad mood. The worker might not even be aware that his behavior disturbs the employer. And sometimes, workers, like everyone else, go through rough times in their lives and act moody and angry towards other people. That might explain, but does not excuse, disrespectful behavior.

In any case, the employer can do several things to help himself:

Remind the worker that mutual respect is important to your working together;
Tell the worker that his behavior is disrespectful and therefore unacceptable;
Tell the worker not to repeat the behavior; and
Advise the worker that he needs to stop the behavior if he wants to keep working for you.

Q. What if the person who abuses me is a relative, paid or unpaid?

A. This can be an especially difficult situation for a senior or disabled employer for several reasons:

You might want to protect the worker because "he is family" or to avoid admitting that a family member would mistreat you.
You may not have had experience with a worker other than your relative.
You might depend on your relative to help make major decisions or to provide financial support.
You and your relative might live in the same house and you fear being sent to a care facility. If it is your home, the worker/relative can be removed. Assistance is available to arrange for your care and protection through Adult Protective Services, the Social Services Department, the Area Agency on Aging, or an ombudsman. Assistance can also be obtained at law enforcement agencies. If you are living in the home of a relative, temporary emergency living arrangements can be made until a more permanent living situation is found.

Regardless of the reasons, you should not be abused by a relative.

Q. How can family stress lead to abuse?

A. No matter how well a family adjusts to caring for a person challenged by a chronic condition or a disability, over time everyone feels stress. Family members can be drained by continual demands of caring for a loved one with special needs. When a caregiver feels overwhelmed, physical, mental, emotional or even sexual abuse can occur. Stress factors include:

Increased external pressures such as finances and the needs of other family members.
Increased risk of isolation both for the person with special needs and the rest of the family.
Transition times such as when the child starts preschool, leaves high school and changes jobs.
Feelings of embarrassment. Parents or family members may think the person with special needs reflects negatively upon them.
Feelings of disappointment and frustration. The person with the chronic condition or disability may fall short of the hopes and expectations of loved ones.
Constant responsibility. Physical and emotional demands on caregivers may be exhausting.
A do nothing attitude. Caregivers don't ask for or use the services and help they need.

Family Stress answer section adapted from online PENpages Cookie Wenneker, Social Work Coordinator, UK Interdisciplinary Human Development Institute; Sheila Brown, UK Graduate Student; and Sam Quick, Human Development and Family Relations Specialist, Kentucky Cooperative Extension Service. (1991, FSES-15) A Project of the Human Abuse Prevention Council. Editor: J. Van Horn, Ph.D., CFLE, Professor, Rural Sociology Dept. of Ag. Economics and Rural Sociology, Penn State.

Preventing Abuse

There are several common-sense steps you can take to avoid abuse. Some of them require some work on your part, but it's worth the effort.

How can I help keep abuse from happening in the first place?

Always check references before you hire people. Even if somebody has never worked as a personal assistant before, get references from previous employers.
If possible, get a background check from the police department.
Never leave valuables lying around. Lock your jewelry, extra money, or other valuables in a safe place. If you need assistance handling money, keep the money where you can see how much the worker removes and puts back. For example, keeping your money with you is better than having it in another room or in a pack on the back of your chair.
Keep track of your medicines. Keep your medicines locked up. Ask your worker to mark your calendar so you know when to reorder.
Be alert. Let your worker know that you will be keeping track of medications, mileage, and phone calls.
Carefully control your checks and cash. Don't let your worker have access to your finances when you are not around. If you must write a check, give out or sign only one check. Ask for receipts.
Use your credit card carefully. This is one of the easiest ways for someone to steal from you.
Avoid letting a worker use your property for personal use. This includes your car or van, telephone, and home. If you have a live-in worker, set rules about visitors and overnight guests, food, etc.
Get your keys back when a worker quits or is fired, and before giving him his last paycheck. If he does not do so, have your locks changed immediately.
Consider installing two locks on the door, only one of which the worker can open. That way when leaving, you can lock the door so your worker cannot enter.

This list was adapted from: Personal Assistants: How to Find, Hire, and Manage a P.A. (pp. 37-39). Copyright 1999. Marianjoy, Wheaton, IL. All rights reserved. Reprinted with permission. No further reproduction is allowed.

Strategies for Living Well With a Chronic Condition or a Disability

If you are a person with a chronic condition or a disability:

Don't isolate yourself. Build a network of friends. Involve yourself in support and advocacy groups, Independent Living Centers, senior centers, and so forth. Take advantage of education opportunities at community colleges and adult education programs. Take advantage of job opportunities. Get involved in hobbies or sports. Maintain your community connections, friendships and memberships in social and religious organizations. The more people in your life, the safer and happier you will be.

Don't tolerate abuse from caregivers or anyone else. Physical, emotional, financial and sexual abuses are criminal offenses. Call a hotline or social agency, or tell someone you need help. Get out of unhealthy living situations.

Consider your options. Independent Living alternatives include:

Living in your own home or apartment
Community-based or assisted living arrangements
In-home services that assist the primary caregiver
Adult day programs

Become an activist. Denying people with disabilities needed services is a subtle form of abuse. You may want to become involved in helping to prevent many subtle forms of abuse, such as denial of access to community services and education, discrimination in hiring and housing, and less obvious forms of sexual or economic exploitation. No one should deny you the opportunity to take risks as you grow and maintain your independence.

Be a living example. Defy stereotypes about people who have your condition or disability.

Encourage family caregivers to:

Use available services. Get a personal assistant to help with care tasks. Take advantage of services such as special education and vocational rehabilitation.

Arrange for respite care. Ask a friend to take over while the family PA goes to the library or the park. Set up formal respite care through an agency, daycare center, or part-time personal assistant.

Meet their own needs. Avoid isolation. Keep up old friendships and cultivate new ones. Stay involved. If feelings like anger, depression or guilt surface from time to time, encourage them to find friends to help them through those times. Encourage them to relax when they can, enjoy small triumphs, and maintain their sense of humor. When they take good care of themselves, both of you can each lead a balanced, enjoyable life.

Strategies for Living Well and Encourage Family Caregivers adapted from: PENpages, ed. Cookie Wenneker, Social Work Coordinator, UK Interdisciplinary Human Development Institute; Sheila Brown, UK Graduate Student; and Sam Quick, Human Development and Family Relations Specialist, Kentucky Cooperative Extension Service. (1991, FSES-15) A Project of the Human Abuse Prevention Council. Editor: J. Van Horn, Ph.D., CFLE, Professor, Rural Sociology Dept. of Ag. Economics and Rural Sociology, Penn State.

Stopping Abuse

You should not put up with abusive behavior. If a personal assistant (PA) or anyone else does any of the things listed under "Are you being abused?" it is time to terminate the PA or the relationship.

Here are some things to stop the abuse:

Tell a relative, friend, counselor, case manager, or anyone else you trust.
If necessary, call the police and file a report.
Write down what is going on. Include dates of each incident. This is important in case you need to take legal action.
If you hired the worker through a registry, call the registry and report the abuse after you have ensured your own safety.
If you don't feel safe, have someone with you when you confront or fire your worker.
Find a replacement worker
Terminate the worker. To learn how to do this while protecting yourself, see Terminating.

Stopping Abuse adapted from: Personal Assistance Services User Manual, Independent Living Services Center, Everett, WA, http://fp.richpoor.com/ilsc/toc2ack.html. Reprinted with permission.

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